Toxic Positivity: When Being Positive Can Be Bad (and what to do instead)

 

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If you had told me a decade ago I would be writing an article on why positivity could be bad, I would have laughed and fought hard to preach the benefits of optimism, the importance of a positive attitude, and how to find the silver lining in everything.

Writing this article allowed me to reflect deeply on the lessons I have learned over the course of my life and career. And while I’ll always be a big supporter of positive psychology and believe in the many benefits of hope and optimism, I have learned (often the hard way) that there are times when these are not only unhelpful but can be destructive and harmful.

Positivity is not positive when it denies, invalidates, or minimizes authentic human emotions.

Optimism is not helpful when it makes people feel shame, guilt, or invalidated for feeling a certain way.

Hope is not useful when it does not allow for the natural rise and fall of emotions or when it ignores the gravity of a situation.

Toxic positivity can be defined as “The overgeneralization of a happy, optimistic state that results in the denial, minimization and invalidation of the authentic human emotional experience”. Examples include: ignoring, hiding, downplaying, or dismissing your emotions or real feelings; feeling bad, guilty, or shameful for how you feel; and invalidating someone’s experience by not acknowledging the real pain or frustration.

In this article, I share examples of toxic positivity and more importantly, strategies for what you can do instead. 

There is a lot going on in the world right now. We're all experiencing a range of emotions and finding our own ways to process and understand them for ourselves and share them with others. There seems no better time to replace your “Good Vibes Only” sign with “Real Vibes Only”. Because really, it’s not about being positive or negative, optimistic, pessimistic, or anything in between. It’s about being real and authentic.

I have learned that there is a time and place for everything. Right now, more than ever is a time for compassion, acknowledgment, empathy, validation, and true listening.

I'd love to hear your thoughts.

 
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